Adventures in the Bathhouse: The New Adventures
Adventures in the Bathhouse: The New Adventures is a Squad Birthday Fic created by Captain Moch for BJ's birthday. It's the film reboot of the iconic RNW original series, Adventures in the Bathhouse. Chapter 1 - New Faces It was a silent day inside the old, run down bathhouse. It’s been several years since it was occupied daily by the iconic trio of Gaepora, Major Monogram, and Tenzin, as well as dozens of other daddies. Sadly, since then the bathhouse has fallen into disrepair… to the point where only three newer daddies remain. At least, until today… Three daddies stood outside the bathhouse, embracing each other in a warm hug. “Gaepora, Francis! It’s been so long!” Tenzin squeed in delight, seeing his former best friends. “It’s such a shame that we haven’t met up in so long.” Gaepora said. “I’m glad we could plan this.” “Well, what have you been up to, old buds?” Francis Monogram asked. “I had to help my daughter and the chosen one save the world… no biggie, though.” Gaepora mentioned. “I helped the Avatar save the world with the help of my daughter, so pretty much the same thing.” Tenzin replied. “I’ve been helping with the O.W.C.A. as usual. We’ve even expanded a bunch!” Said Monogram. “Well, what are we waiting out here for?” Tenzin asked. “Let’s see how the ol’ bathhouse holds up!” The three burst in, only to see the old place barely holding up. Mold was along the walls, and dust lined the front desk. A secretary was there, but sleeping lazily. “Wow… this place hasn’t aged well, has it?” Tenzin asked, tracing his finger along the dusty tabletops. The secretary noticed three customers and forced themselves awake. “Woah, new customers? You guys realize the Jamba Juice is next door, right?” “No no, we’re here for the bathhouse…” Gaepora replied. He peaked at the secretary’s name tag, which spelled out “Benjamin Clawheuser.” “Well, the sauna is down the hall on the right, and the baths are on the left. Enjoy your time!” Clawheuser advised. Monogram, Tenzin, and Gaepora walked down the hall and took off their robes, now completely nude, as they burst open the sauna door. They gasped, as three new nude daddies were sitting in their former sitting spots. Sitting along the chairs were Balthazar Cavendish, Zaheer, and a mysterious old man known as Old Man. Chapter 2 - Hate Sex “Zaheer… what are you doing here, you monster?” Tenzin shouted at Zaheer. “Wait a minute… I recognize you… you’re wanted for tampering with the time space continuum!” Monogram shouted at Balthazar Cavendish. “Hey, I’m supposed to be the jumbo-est spiciest daddiest one here, are you trying to take that role?” Gaepora shouted at the Old Man. “What?? Who are you??” The Old Man asked. “I’m the monster, Tenzin? I can go on a long deep villainous rant about how you are…” Tenzin replied. “Me? A time traveler? That’s… that’s absurd!” Cavendish shouted. The two trios stared at each other in a tense, awkward silence for a few seconds. Clawhauser opened the door and saw the tension. “You guys seem to be new, so can I request you don’t leave your robes on the- OH! Something’s going on here! I’m- uh, gonna go.” Clawhauser quickly shut the door. “Ugh, of course something like this had to happen… we return to our former hottest spot in town, only for three new jerks to claim it!” Monogram exclaimed. “We can hear you, you know.” Cavendish dished back. “Well, sorry that I don’t want to share a bathhouse with my archnemesis!” Tenzin frustratingly stated. “Gentlemen! Calm down!” Boomed the Old Man. Everyone stopped talking for a second and stared at him. “There is enough room in this bathhouse for the six of us. Let’s act like grown adults and share.” The six awkwardly sat down, but still stared at each other tensely. “Wow, it’s like a sauna in here.” Monogram awkwardly joked, as Cavendish stared at him tensely. “So, uh, how has the bathhouse been doing?” Tenzin asked. “Not so great, unfortunately. Me, Balthazar, and the Old Man are pretty much what’s keeping this place afloat.” Zaheer replied. “But… this was our hotspot back in the day…” Gaepora commented. “Well maybe if you actually kept going like we do, this place wouldn’t be in such shambles.” Cavendish whispered, passive-aggressively. “Excuse me? I had some serious work to attend to!” Tenzin shouted. “Yeah, the world probably wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for us!” Monogram shouted. “Well, whoop-de-doo. You saved the world… at the price of our daddy bathhouse. A pretty high price, if you ask me.” The Old Man remarked. “How dare you treat us like this!” Said Gaepora, who walked up straight into the face of the Old Man. They stared at each other angrily… then started making out. “What the hell are you guys doing?” Tenzin asked. “Letting… out… our… frustrations… mmph...” Gaepora moaned, as he locked tongues with the Old Man and let their two penises dangle together as they slowly went erect. The other four stared awkwardly at the two making out. “Well… I guess it’s called hate sex for a reason.” Tenzin said. He grabbed Zaheer by the cheeks and brought him in for a warm embrace. Tenzin stroked Zaheer’s bald head as he kissed his nemesis’s lips, while letting his warm torso rub against Zaheer’s pecs. “Wow… this does remind me of the old days, in a strange way.” Monogram sighed. He shrugged and jumped on top of Balthazar Cavendish. The two duos kept making out and began rolling all over the floor in their sweet sexual shenanigans. Zaheer grabbed Tenzin, turned him around, and dominated him, thrusting his erect dick into Tenzin as the man moaned, begging for more. Beside them, Gaepora laid below the Old Man, and started slurping cum from the man’s cock like it was a fine wine. Monogram and Cavendish were banging against the wall, fighting each other for dominance as if they were in a fiery sexual tango, taking turns to cum onto each other as they made out. Their sexual times were interrupted by the sauna door bursting open. The six daddies stopped making out and stared at the large figure in the doorway. Chapter 3 - Bogoheart “Imagine the look on my face when my secretary called me about a disturbance going on in my husband’s bathhouse, meaning I had to leave a date with that same husband to come resolve some issues. Let’s just say… I wasn’t happy.” “Wait a minute… aren’t you the…” Monogram gulped. “The Chief of Police, yes. I happen to be married to the saunas owner!” Said the figure. Cavendish gasped. “You’re Lionheart’s husband? It’s nice to meet you!” Cavendish got up and extended his hand to shake Bogo’s hand, but Bogo smacked it down. “What’s going on here, boys? Am I going to have to pull apart a fight, like a lousy schoolteacher?” Bogo asked. “Well… we were arguing… but the tension pretty much led into hate sex.” Tenzin responded. Bogo heard the man’s booming voice and was shook. His voice was strong, familiar, and dominant, but also soothing and recessive. It reminded him of his husband. He softened his attitude and began to ask further questions. “Wow… what kind of argument?” Before the others could respond, Lionheart barged in. “Hey, boys.” Lionheart said, and Cavendish, Zaheer, and the Old Man greeted him. “Now please tell me what kind of dumb argument did you get yourselves into? The last thing this place needs is a big fight causing bad PR!” “These new guys barged in and started being horrid jerks!” Cavendish shouted. Lionheart noticed Monogram, Gaepora, and Tenzin to his side. “Woah woah woah… who are you guys? Are you new?” “Actually, we used to frequent this fine establishment several years ago. Back when it had different management…” Gaepora replied. “Oh, welcome back! I bought this place after the old owner decided to leave and achieve his dreams with his husband.” Lionheart greeted. “Oh! May I ask why this place is in such… how do you say it-” Tenzin started to ask. “Yes, I know it’s in terrible condition. Business has been real bad lately… we can barely afford basic amenities anymore! In fact… I didn’t want to announce it… but the bank is coming tomorrow. They’re going to do an inspection to see if this place is still worth investing in, and well… it’s not. We’re probably going to be closed by the end of the week.” Everyone gasped. “What? That’s terrible!” Monogram shrieked. “Is there… anything that can be done?” The Old Man asked. Lionheart sat down and nodded no. Soon, the eight daddies were sitting in the bath in the next room. The atmosphere was very bleak. “Well, at least we can enjoy one last bath.” Tenzin remarked, drinking some alcohol. “I’m gonna miss this place… you know, I lost my virginity here.” Gaepora whispered. “I’m such a screwup… I failed as a mayor, so I move to a new city to start anew, dragging my husband, and I screw it up too!” Lionheart ranted. “Don’t beat yourself up so bad. You’re a good man. Some missteps can’t keep us down.” Bogo reassured his husband. “Thank you, dear... “ The clock hit midnight and Clawheuser walked in. “Sorry folks, it’s closing time.” Everyone glumly got out of the bath as he drained it. Tenzin, Zaheer, Monogram, Cavendish, Gaepora, and the Old Man shook hands and apologized about the earlier predicament, then left. Bogo and Lionheart went upstairs to their rooms, just as sad. Monogram was driving him, Tenzin, and Gaepora back home. “This is just… awful.” He said. Tenzin nodded but Gaepora sat silently. “...no.” Gaepora said. “What?” Tenzin asked. “This won’t be the end.” Gaepora said. “Gaepora, there’s nothing we can do. We can’t raise enough money to save it in a day, we can’t fix up all the problems in a day, we can’t-” Monogram said. “I know… I have a different idea.” Gaepora said. He whispered his plan to Tenzin and Monogram. Chapter 4 - The New Age The next morning, Lionheart woke up sadly, knowing that the bathhouse would be closing soon. Soon, the bank came, inspected the bathhouse, and told them the unfortunate news that it would have to close immediately due to lack of income and serious structural issues. By that night, he was a broken man. “Bogo… I can’t believe this happened… I’m out of a job...” Lionheart said, sitting in the bathhouse’s lobby for the last time. “It’s gonna be okay, honey.” Bogo said. “Um, Lionheart? You have a call?” Clawheuser said, still at the front desk. “What? Who would be calling me?” Lionheart asked, and grabbed the phone. “Come to our place as soon as you can, Leodore.” Tenzin’s voice said through the phone. “What? You guys realize we’re out of business now, right?” Lionheart mentioned. “We know. Just… come to this address.” Tenzin said, then reciting his address. Lionheart, Bogo, and Clawheuser got into their car and drove to the address Tenzin listed. They arrived to discover an empty plot of land in the middle of the city, where all of their friends were standing. The three got out of the car to see what is going on. “Tenzin, what is this? What’s everyone doing here?” Lionheart asked. “Well, my furry friend, we bought this plot of land!” Tenzin explained. “You… WHAT?!” Lionheart said. “You see, we knew it was too late to fix up the old place, and it’s quiet sad that it’s gonna go…” Tenzin said. “But all of us scraped together money to buy this new empty plot!” Monogram continued. “We can build a new bathhouse! Together!” Cavendish continued. “How did you all afford this?” Bogo asked. “For one, it turns out the Old Man is royalty!” Gaepora exclaimed, and the others gasped. “Yes… it’s a secret I’ve kept for a long time, but I am part of a royal family. In fact… you all can call me Daphnes. Daphnes Nohansen Hyrule.” The Old Man explained, revealing his true identity. “And I’m still getting ad royalties from one of my YouTube videos that went viral…” Gaepora said. “I just took the salary from my paid intern and made him an unpaid intern again, I’m sure he won’t mind.” Monogram said. “You see, Lionheart? We all pulled together and now we’re gonna work together and build a new bathhouse… for new adventures… and new daddies!” Tenzin exclaimed. Lionheart started crying tears of joy as him and the rest of the daddies got together in a huge, warm hug. “...so, how are we gonna build this?” Clawheuser asked, from in the middle of the hug. “Don’t worry, we bought help!” Monogram and Cavendish said together as some new figures walked into the scene. “Did I miss something? Dang it, I missed a good moment, didn’t I? I’m a sucker for heartfelt moments like that. I can’t believe I missed it, Perry the Platypus.” Doctor Doofenshmirtz said, as he walked in with Perry the Platypus. “Woah, double daddies.” Said Clawheuser. “Wait… say that again.” Lionheart said. “Woah double daddies?” Clawheuser repeated. “Hmm… I like the sound of that…” Lionheart thought aloud. Two other figures walked into the scene. “Look, there’s my daddies too!” Cavendish squeed, as Vinnie Dakota and Diogee walked over. “Woah double daddies…” Lionheart whispered again to himself, in deep thought. One year later, it was the grand opening of the Double Daddies Bathhouse & Sauna, operated by Leodore Lionheart and Chief Bogo. Hundreds of daddies gathered in a crowd, eagerly waiting to see their brand new gathering place. Lionheart was making a speech on a podium. “First off, I’d like to thank all of the people who brought us here today. If it weren’t for my dear friends, we wouldn’t be here, celebrating this glorious opening. From the daddies of old…” Lionheart gestured at Tenzin, Gaepora, Monogram, Doofenshmirtz, and Perry. “...to the daddies of new…” Lionheart gestured at Zaheer, King Daphnes, Cavendish, Dakota, and Diogee. “...to the daddies that you’re closest to…” Lionheart looked at his husband, Bogo, and their close friend, Clawheuser. “...we all work better when we work together. So together, at Double Daddies Bathhouse & Sauna, we’re going to meet new daddies, make new stories, and have new adventures!” The daddies in the audience cheered as Lionheart and Bogo cut the ceremonial ribbon and officially opened the facility. Everyone stormed in in delight, as the main squad of daddies watched together happily. A few hours later, the facility was closed and the main daddies were relaxing in the sauna, all nude. “That sure was one busy first day!” Lionheart remarked, exhausted. “Seeing so many daddies, together, in unity… it brings a tear to my eye.” Gaepora said. “And now, we finally have time to relax…” Bogo said, until he heard a knock at the door. “Huh, someone must think we’re still open.” Cavendish said. “We’ll go answer it!” Lionheart and Bogo said. The two put on a towel and went to the facility’s front door, where two men were standing. “Um, sirs? Sorry, we’re closed-” Lionheart said. “Sorry, I just… me and my husband used to own a bathhouse in this area. From what I’ve heard, it moved to this location?” The man asked, in a jumbo daddy voice. Lionheart gasped. Back in the sauna, Lionheart burst open the door and gestured in the two other men, who were now nude as well. “Hey, guys! The old owners are back!” Lionheart yelled, and everyone got up and cheered. “Yep, BJ and JS are back and ready to mingle in the bathhouse!” Shouted the old owner and his husband, BJ and JS. Category:Pages by Captain Moch Category:Birthday Fics